Evening mass today at IHM. Father Joe J. Mass was about repentance and i realised many things. I have been sinning too much, and i should wish to change. If you wish to change, now is the right time. Because when you get old, it would be too late to change, you wouldn't have lived your life meaningfully. I shall repent. And with that i do hope, that nobody will think of me as an ignorant and selfish person, but a person who cares.
I am not a selfish, childish and ignorant person just because others think of me that way. I am more than that. It's just that i'm different, but nobody seems to see that.
Want to know what True Romantic Love is? Take a look at Abigail and Nicholas Tan. That was what i wanted, i was jealous. I wanted that kind of love for myself. That's why i turned desperate. It's just wrong now. It's not my time yet. God will know when it is, like He did for those 2. You think it was pure Luck/Coincidence they bumped into each other during the Raffia String thing during JXY '08? I tell you that you are WRONG. Think again, it was God doing that. And they listened to God's calling and loved each other. So much love that it could last a lifetime. So much love that everyone could see that it could last a lifetime. It's just a matter of wanting it. And they do want it. So it forms the great, amazing love you see in between them.
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I shall list out and repent my sins, just as my mother said she would:
For not praying often
For being selfish
For being indecent
For blaming others
For being desperate
For not cherishing what i should be cherishing
For turning love into hate
For giving "eye power" when i should be helping
For questioning God on my Faith
For trying to be big and thinking that i'm helping
For causing so much trouble within the Legion of Mary
For being rude to everyone
For loving for the wrong reason
For giving no time for God
For not thanking God in anything i've done well in
For nearly throwing away and giving up my Faith
For lying to my friends and family
For being uncaring towards other's needs and not helping them out
For being unfriendly toward people whose attitudes i do not really like
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"Lord, i pray to you that i would be a person who loves and cares for others and not about myself. I pray that there would not be anybody who'd think of me wrongly."
I realise that no matter how much i criticise someone, i am not that perfect either. As i critcise someone, someone else is criticising me. Nobody is perfect. I thought myself perfect, and i thought i was always right. It does not work that way.
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To love is to serve, but have i served the Lord? No, not much at the very least. I took his love for granted. I took everybody's love for granted.
Before mass, my mother pointed to a woman holding a child. The child was hugging the mother and she was patting him. My mum then said, "you know, when you were young, you were like that child. Small, bald and cute. You always wanted hugs and patting from me." Right there and then, i found out what True Love means. This is my mother, caring for me, protecting me. No matter how many times she scolds me, she still loves me. The sight alone can bring forth a genuine smile, it can bring so much joy, so much happiness, yet so much regrets to me. I would never forget that sight. I know love when i see one. And that, is the most beautiful sight i've ever and will ever see.
Love, Cherish.
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Mass today, God gave me a sign. More than one, actually.
Signs:
Sight of mother caring for her child
My conscience feeling sorrowful and regretful after mass
My heart telling me to blog this post
3 is a lot. Luck or coincidence don't cut it. It HAS to be God, giving me the signs. Especially the first.
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Change now, it's not too late yet.
Life is too short.
I should go for confession soon. Maybe tomorrow, if i go to mass for a second time. Yes, i do feel like going for mass a second time.
